Infinite Hope

As a full-time father of three, I’m constantly encountering a microcosm of our beautiful world’s problems. Sometimes, they pop-up instantly, often disrupting everything and causing immediate chaos. However, it’s usually the same old, unsolved, problems that appear. As the empathic thermometer for our family, I guess you might say I’m overly sensitive to these issues. As I’ve learned to see my own sources of frustration and anger, I see the underlying symptoms of these emotions within our familial conflicts.

Now I should probably confess, that I know that living together closely with anyone will bring out the slightest interpersonal conflicts faster than any other human endeavor. So I’m probably being too reactionary and idealistic to hope for my family to reflect the internal peace and light I aim to be. But isn’t that kind of where it all begins? Too many smarter people than I have all concluded the same self-truths. How can I expect my family to be a source of peace and light for the world, if I am not a source of peace and light for them? So fundamentally, how can I inspire hope within them, if I don’t have any hope myself?

Signal Versus Noise

I’ve struggled for decades with my cynicism and arrogance. Being blessed with certain gifts, I think these traits are probably natural. When you’re able to see pluralistic explanations for problems that most people don’t even contemplate, it becomes too easy to become disappointed. Then once I’m disappointed, I’ve planted the seed of anger within my heart. Of course disappointment leads me to recall Yoda’s famous observation: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” His observation and my own emotions intersect at anger. There are many paths to anger, and we should all be acutely vigilant to the appearance of anger in our hearts. I know that I can’t be a source of peace, love, and hope with the seeds of anger lingering in my heart.

Recently, however, my usual thought patterns are leading me to a new set of conclusions. When I’m now confronted with the petty machinations of humanity such as, hate, greed, cruelty, or the many negative behaviors I observe, I’m no longer disappointed. I think that I’d interpret this new set of emotions as empathy. In the past, when someone might criticize or judge someone, I’d always remind them about the simple fact, that we can not ever understand why someone did something, because it’s impossible to know might what have been going through their mind (if anything), or what circumstances they faced. I’d usually conclude that if they could have reacted or behaved better, then they probably would have. I think this is what is called tolerance or temperance. So, in some ways, I believe that I’ve come full-circle with these emotions and now see them macroscopically. I have to believe that if the world could be a better place, it would.

Hope

I’m usually very introspective during the Holidays. I can remember the magic feeling Christmas gave me as a child, and now as I father I’ve become the source of that magic for my own children. I treasure that I still have a child small enough to be swept away by the sweet promise of Christmas magic. So this morning, I wrap the soft promise of magic around me and dedicate myself to kindle hope within my heart and develop new habits to foster my hopes throughout the year.

So what are my hopes? A common misconception is that hope is an emotion, or a state of being, but it’s not. A hope is the feeling that something you want will happen or the events you desire will become real. Words. I’m surrounded by them, I work with them, I struggle with them, and do my best to use them to communicate, and yet they are just approximations for the desires I hold deep within my heart. What do I want? I want to love my soul, I want to be able to control my thoughts and rid them of anything that makes me feel sadness, loneliness, disappointment, or anger. I want these ideals to become so compelling and contagious that my family wants the same things. I want to make a difference in this world. I want to create things that embody these hopes and inspire others to love their own souls. I want to make the world a more beautiful place, I want to help people to see the beauty that surrounds us.

Photo Courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons: NASA Goddard Photo and Video